June seems to be a popular month for weddings. Maybe it’s the flowers, maybe it’s the warmer weather, or maybe it’s simply the time of year when guests are more able to travel. My husband and I were married in June — but for us it was a matter of timing.
We were older, had been dating a few years, and you know. I’m kind of direct when it comes to matters of the heart.
“You ready, honey? Great!” *POW* Three months later we were married. (Girls, when you have a live one on the hook you must act fast.)
Bliss and joy aside, it was a huge transformation of our lives. No longer strolling through the garden of life alone, we were now walking hand in hand, happily contemplating our future together, planting the seeds for children, change, career…having great fun while we were at it!
Our daughter was a honeymoon baby (speaking of fun), so change began almost immediately in our case. However, most couples have time to adjust to their new life as man and wife, time to ease into the new routine.
Recently, when asked by a young friend about marriage and what it was like, I jokingly compared it to eating vegetables. (I mean, we were in the garden. Why not?) “Marriage is simple,” I said. “It’s like choosing your favorite vegetable — the one you want to enjoy ALL the time.”
She screwed her expression at the comparison. “There’s NO vegetable I want to eat ALL the time. I like variety in my diet!”
Hmph. So much for analogies. I like variety in mine, too. But there’s more than one way to cook a tomato — healthy and raw, chopped and marinated, sizzling fried, saucy and delicious!
Yes, well… You get the point. Mixing it up prevents same-old same-old from settling in, much the way we moms do with dinner.
“Potatoes, again?” the children whine. “Can’t we have something different?”
“Nope. We grew potatoes, we’re having potatoes. Period. Now go put your right attitude cap on and enjoy the meal.”
Granted, marriage is more involved, but truthfully, in my book, it comes down to commitment. And a sense of humor.
Married almost twenty years, I’m a big fan of the institution and always willing to dole out advice when asked.
Like the curious young woman currently contemplating the big step who asks, “What’s the secret?”
“Same as the garden,” I reply. “Allow nature to take its course, and be prepared to roll with the ups and downs. Some days will be blue skies and sunshine, others will be inundated by bugs and fungus.”
“Oh,” she returned, somewhat discouraged.
Apparently, this wasn’t the insight she expected. But ever the positive one, I linked my arm through my husband’s and added, “Not to worry. Look how happy we are!”
My husband sweetly agreed. “Yeah, what she said.”
He’s a real card, isn’t he?
A short while passed and she approached me again. Courageous little thing. “But is there really a difference between living together and marriage?” she asked, her tone urging better news from me. Seems they’ve been living together for that last couple of years. “It can’t be that different, can it?”
Uh, oh. She forgot the “careful what you wish for” rule. But she asked, so I smiled again. I find it’s always best to deliver hard facts with a soft edge. “Here’s the difference. When you’re living together, you always have that back door — the exit door — as in, ‘if he doesn’t do this or doesn’t do that, I’m outta here.’ You can always leave if he’s not living up to your expectations.” I leaned ever so closer. “When you’re married, you have to close that door, lock it, and throw away the key.”
Her jaw dropped.
“It’s a shift in attitude. You must be willing to work through the hard times, you know, like you do with family. We all have those family members with whom we don’t see eye to eye, may even go without speaking at times, but eventually, we come back together — because it’s family. They’re yours for life. And besides, you’ll see them at Thanksgiving.”
She nodded dully, but I could see this was not what she wanted to hear. “Do you want kids?” I asked. She shook her head to the contrary. “Then continue dating,” I advised. “There’s no need to change your name.” You’ve already changed your address.
Later my husband remarked, “I don’t know what you said to that woman, but she looked like someone kicked her dog in the gut.”
Not privy to our second conversation, he had no idea that I was totally innocent. “She asked my advice.”
“Oh, no.”
“What? She asked.”
He balked. “That’s because she doesn’t know you!”
I chuckled. “True.”
But I did answer honestly, as I always do when asked my opinion. Who knows? I may have saved this poor young lady from an ugly divorce. Satisfaction swelled, filling my chest with pleasure. Chalk up another good deed in my column!
As for own marriage, so far, so good. Because at the very heart of our relationship, we’re friends. I think it’s one of the things that keeps us together. Everyone’s marriage is different, but I would venture to bet all successful marriages share a strong sense of commitment.
For all you June brides out there, “Happy Anniversary!”
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